Wednesday, April 17, 2024

Election was stolen from me. Obviously.

I know exactly how it feels to be the victim of a stolen election.

Just three short decades ago, I was a shoe-in for president of the students’ union at the University of Calgary.

I did everything by the book:

  • my nomination was submitted on the deadline day with several minutes to spare
  • I campaigned in good faith, sticking to my deeply principled platform of airing Christmas carols in the cafeteria building 365 days a year
  • I circulated dozens of copies of the adjacent “Rob Driscoll for President” promotional leaflet

It didn’t matter that my campaign manager and many of my friends opted to pound 90-cent glasses of draught beer at the campus pub rather than take the time to cast their votes; I had it in the bag.

Now, I am not a post-doctoral fellow in election protocol, but I read somewhere that you need 270 electoral votes to be president. Well, I received 395 votes! Therefore, I won the election!

Yet it was stolen from me by organizers who alleged that Mr. LOP (life of party) in the residence buildings received more than 2,300 votes. To make it appear less suspicious, the electoral adjudicators indicated that the other two people in the presidential election also received more votes than me.

I estimate that 90% of those votes were fraudulent; probably a bunch of dead people. They kept everything hush-hush. Even the Internet was a secret at the time.

I demand a recount!

#stolenelection

#igotscrewedandnotinthegoodway

#unpresidented

#marketingfail

Rob Driscoll
Rob Driscoll
Rob Driscoll is co-founder and president of BIG Media Ltd. He is a writer and entrepreneur who is deeply committed to elevating the level of coverage of our society's most pressing matters as well as the level of respect in public discourse.
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