Sunday, August 14, 2022

BIG Chuckle

Flat Earthers’ sphere mongering: to be or(b) not to be

Engaged in spirited discussion through plexiglass with a stranger six feet away at the neighbourhood pub last night (weird that Harlequin Romance has not picked up this story yet, right?), she started to explain why she is certain that Earth is flat. Now, I have too much faith in the body of scientific evidence to which I have been exposed to join her on Flatten Island, but I also am not in position to...

Hey Doc – am I nuts?

With so many people saying that I am crazy to launch a media company that does not accept advertising, I decided to pay a visit to my clinical psychologist. Now, my understanding of doctor-client privilege guidelines dictates that my psychologist, Dr. May Dupp of the Clinically Registered Association of Psychologists (CRAP), must keep our conversation confidential. However, I can share the details of our conversation with whomever I choose ... so here is a transcript of...

Please forgive my 7 Deadly Journalistic Sins

Bless me, readers, for I have sinned. My last confession was 40 years ago. It has indeed been a while since my parents hauled me off to the St. James Catholic Church confessional to be absolved of all sins. Back then, the most malicious misdeeds were riding my bicycle past dark and teasing my sister. I have upped my game considerably over the last four decades. I find myself back in the confessional today for compelling reasons....

Six steps to overcoming addiction to electronics

Most of us will never sign up for a 12-step program to address our electronics-addiction issues. Twelve is a lot. Have you ever tried to make a dozen-egg omelette? I rest my case. With that in mind, I present BIG Media's 6-Step Program to Overcome Our Electronics Addiction: 6. Realize that we have a problem. Most of us can do this by covering our smartphone home screens with paper, and adding a check mark every time we...

Top 10 Ramifications of the Slap Heard ‘Round the World’

I am not a keen follower of pop culture, and confess to not knowing what any of the Kardashians look like, although I nailed the surname spelling on my first crack. But, partially because I – and at least 28% of my children before they turned 3 years old – consider myself to be a part-time comedian (full-time effort but only successful part of the time), I have found it impossible to resist weighing in on...

Open letter and dinner invitation to Vladimir Putin

Dear Mr. Putin, Could you do me a big favour and take your finger off of that big red button? I would love for my seven children to see some classic battles between Russia and the West, but would prefer that they be in Olympic and world championship hockey arenas, as opposed to a best-of-one nuclear holocaust. As you have said many times, Russia is a great nation – and I would love to see it stay...

Correction – COVID actually ranks #10 in causes of death among women age 60-69

BIG Media co-founder Laurie Weston is a remarkably meticulous data scientist and writer. In checking her work for the umpteenth time for her recent data-loaded article revealing that COVID-19 was not in the top 10 causes of death in the majority age groups for 2020, Laurie noticed a strange label for a row of data in the Alberta death database. See Man dies from vehicle collision with parasite for details, but it seems, despite appearances, that...

Top 5 Reasons the Canadian Government Will Next Invoke the Emergencies Act

Well, that was fun. So much fun that I decided to come up with a Top 5 list to commemorate the conclusion of a very strange chapter in Canadian history. Immediately on the heels of the announcement that the Emergencies Act is being revoked, I present to you the Top 5 Reasons the Canadian Government Will Next Invoke the Emergencies Act: 5. Early-spring snowstorm in Toronto. 4. Toronto Maple Leafs eliminated in the first round of the...

BIG Media founder cracks code in palindromic date

Typing out today's date – 2/22/22 – I realized something peculiar. By now, most of you are likely aware that I finished third in the national math test (Southern Alberta region) in 1981. So, it should come as no surprise that I was able to crack the code of what is obviously a complex numeric pattern in the date. If you multiply the first digit by 437.6, then subtract 19, then multiply by 0, then add...

Dude who writes of himself in third person offers free ghostwriting to millions!

I took on another pro-bono ghostwriting assignment today. I am doing it for millions of people who are looking for the right words for a very awkward situation. You can use these words on social media and in correspondence with friends and family members. You do not have to pay me anything for this service. Not even royalties from the increased success that you are sure to enjoy if you put my text to use....