Last Friday, Canadian city Montreal joined the exciting game sweeping the western world that I call Water-Main Whac-A-Mole (WM-WAM).
Montreal took its turn with a pipe rupture that created a spectacular water spout, flooding streets in the south-central neighbourhood. City crews are working around the clock to repair the line while residents wait to see which section of pipe will burst next. Endless excitement for all ages!
Thirty-six hundred kilometres to the west, Calgary has been playing WM-WAM for months, as my colleague/engineer Edward Ostrowski points out in his two articles on municipal piping infrastructure: Pipe problems – a detailed examination of what lies beneath us, Pipe problems continues – it hits home.
WM-WAM contestants will not be showered with gifts; in fact, they are not able to shower at all. It’s more a game of danger and deprivation. Participants’ drinking water and frustration are both bottled up.
WM-WAM is guaranteed to be popular for decades to come in countless cities throughout the world … because of procrastination on expensive piping upgrades.
The Montreal rupture occurred in a section of pipe that was just 40 years into its projected 100-year lifespan. There are about 150 km of that type of pipe, 110 km of which does not have a coating to protect from corrosion.
In Calgary, as our intrepid reporter Edward pointed out, there are 187 km of the type of concrete pipe that failed in June, roughly halfway through its anticipated lifespan. One break to the main line caused many weeks of water deprivation and rationing for more than one million people.
Replacing such piping can cost more than US$1 million per kilometre.
Boston, a city in the northeast United States, was an early adopter of a more dangerous version of the game, called Gas-Pipe Whac-A-Mole (Natural gas explosions: Boston-area gas pipes among oldest and leakiest in US). GP-WAM is not safe and fun for the entire family and will compete directly with Squid Game for fanatic followers.
A third version of the game – Sewer-Pipe Whac-A-Mole (aka Smell Factor) – took Vancouver by storm on Canada’s West Coast in June (Broken sewer main floods streets of Vancouver’s Olympic Village). Some people think that Settlers of Catan is boring and annoying, but I guarantee that this game stinks more!
Municipal councils typically see the relatively small historic failure rate in pipe systems, long pipeline life expectancies, and decide to let the next government worry about paying for major upgrades. “Heck, we might only be here for four years, so let’s pass the buck and spend money on things like expensive artwork, fancy bridges, and virtue signalling in the fight against an imaginary climate catastrophe,” they say.
Meanwhile, time bombs related to silly little issues such as aging pipe infrastructure and irresponsible forestry management tick louder and louder.
It’s a game of chance, and cities are increasingly likely to roll snake-eyes. Consumers who enjoy the Piping Whac-A-Mole group of games are also likely to get a kick out of Risk, Trouble, Cards Against Humanity, and Sorry!
A new Catch Phrase soaring in popularity is used both to silence critics of municipal policies and to initiate play in our versions of Whac-A-Mole … “Pipe Down!”
